"Bumper Stickers"

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• "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
• "I love cats...they taste just like chicken."
• "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
• "Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
• "As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools."
• "Happiness is a belt-fed weapon."
• "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
• "Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep."
• "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
• "Montana --- at least our cows are sane."
• "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
• "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
• "Don't blame me, I'm the thing from Uranus."
• "Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT."
• "It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
• "When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
• "Can you hang up the car phone long enough for me to call you stupid?"
• "How'd you get your driver's license, a relative?"
• "Wink- I'll do the rest."
• "I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
• "When there's a will, I want to be in it."
• "Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
• "If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
• "Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students"
• "It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
• "Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from"
• "Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal"
• "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
• "We are born naked, bloody, and hungry, then it gets worse."
• "Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
• "He who laughs last thinks slowest."
• "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
• "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
• "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
• "Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be having fun."
• "Consciousness: That annoying time between naps."
• "i souport publik edekasion"
• "The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."
• "We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated."
• "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
• "3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't."
• "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
• "Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie'....till you can find a rock."
• "2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."
• "I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles."
• "I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die."
• "Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."

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