Recently, during the "Great American Smokeout," NowWhattiand were irritated to observe signs reading "Kiss Me; I don't smoke!" posted at various locations through out the known Galaxy. This slogan seemed to us highly illogical. It posed all sorts of interesting questions, questions such as:

• Would the average earth-dwelling biped kiss someone merely because he/she was a non-smoker?
• Is tobacco-breath really worse than, say, feta cheese and anchovy pizza breath?
• Will we find signs saying "Kiss me; I eat breath mints!" on Universal Tic-Tac Day (which is, incidentally, scheduled for the historic Ides of March - for those of you who weren't paying attention in high school English)?

In response to the superbly silly slogan of the G.A.S., we at NowWhat have come up with our own calendar list of "Kiss me's"

• Kiss me; I floss regularly! -
  National Periodontist Day
• Kiss me; I'm toothless! -
  World Senescence Week
• Kiss me; I'm desperate... -
  Very Subtle Put-Down Day
• Kiss me; I have no lips! -
  Great American Freak Week
• Kiss me; I'm dead! -
  Necrophilia Awareness Day
• Kiss me; I'm hungry! -
  Day of the Cannibals
• Kick me; I'm begging you -
  Masochism Monday
• Kiss me; I have a very small striped fish named Ludwig -
  National Non Sequitur Day
• Kiss me; I'm easy! -
  Sleaze Week
• BITE ME I'M YOURS -
  National Really-Wierd-Songs Day